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Apr. 6th, 2010 12:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Jack didn't find her.
Neither did the Doctor.
If they had, she'd probably have recovered faster, but it was for the best that they didn't. Sometimes, she needed to scold herself and pull her own self together, without the benefit of someone offering her comfort. She'd botched the one chance she'd have to see her family again, and it was entirely her fault.
Now she had to make sure she hadn't lost her Doctor, too, when she'd finally found him again.
It was a few hours, perhaps, by the time she found herself standing in the doorway of the Doctor's bedroom. Of what was her bedroom longer than her other's had been. She didn't step inside, but she did speak. "I'm so sorry."
She'd taken to saying that so often now, she almost couldn't remember the days he had.
Neither did the Doctor.
If they had, she'd probably have recovered faster, but it was for the best that they didn't. Sometimes, she needed to scold herself and pull her own self together, without the benefit of someone offering her comfort. She'd botched the one chance she'd have to see her family again, and it was entirely her fault.
Now she had to make sure she hadn't lost her Doctor, too, when she'd finally found him again.
It was a few hours, perhaps, by the time she found herself standing in the doorway of the Doctor's bedroom. Of what was her bedroom longer than her other's had been. She didn't step inside, but she did speak. "I'm so sorry."
She'd taken to saying that so often now, she almost couldn't remember the days he had.
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Date: 2010-04-08 12:37 am (UTC)"I won't let you go. This universe needs its Doctor, not a Rose. If you don't want to...I'll go. Like I was supposed to five and a half years ago. But not you."
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Date: 2010-04-08 12:42 am (UTC)"I have a life I never thought I'd have. A family who care about me, friends.. there was only one thing missing and it's too late for that now." Her heart was someone elses.
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Date: 2010-04-08 12:49 am (UTC)Fixating on something else was never a part of that.
"I...what? This isn't his universe. He's got his own, and I'm just helping him and--did you listen to anything I said?"
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Date: 2010-04-08 12:55 am (UTC)"And this isn't my universe either. I wont go back to traveling the stars alone Rose. I wont. I have a little brother who I want to see grow and fall in love. Without then I wouldn't be a good man."
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Date: 2010-04-08 01:06 am (UTC)Oh, and tears she hadn't thought she'd recovered yet were starting again. She used to think she had such control of them. "But you can't....you can't leave. Take-take them with you or bring them here. Ianto and Jack or Donna would look after them. Just...you can't leave this universe to me. You can't. I can't save it."
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Date: 2010-04-08 01:14 am (UTC)At the sight of her tears, the Doctor's fell too. Slowly he reached out and took her hand for the first time in six years. "Rose, don't... don't cry." He pulled her closer to him, reaching up his hand to brush away the tears on her face, "Please don't."
He continued to draw her closer, intending on wrapping his arms around her to comfort her, but then... Pulling her down he pressed his lips to hers, his own tears falling as he willed her to kiss him back. So scared his heart might break if she didn't.
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Date: 2010-04-08 01:29 am (UTC)Oh, but the Doctor wasn't meant to cry. He wasn't meant to be harmed, certainly not by her. Hadn't she done enough wrong over the years, without breaking her Doctor's hearts and driving him out of the universe once she'd finally found him.
She'd been kissed before by Doctors. There were some very forward ones out there. There were also some very desperate ones. Of course she'd never gone along with them even when they had. But that didn't mean she still hadn't melted just a bit whenever they did. And as confusing as it was that it'd be her Doctor, as frustrated as she was (and as much as she was tempted to strangle him, currently) she couldn't help returning that kiss.
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Date: 2010-04-08 01:38 am (UTC)Soon the Doctor was half laying on the bed, his feet still flat on the floor, with Rose laying over him. And they were still kissing, he was still moaning every once in a while.
"Rose Tyler," he spoke in her mind as they kissed, "I love you."
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Date: 2010-04-08 01:50 am (UTC)The words, not spoken aloud but spoken all the same, caused her to pull back, and plant her hands on his chest--twin heartbeats she only truly appreciated once they were gone--to keep him from any ideas of pulling her back down. That was not the way to keep her from tears, Doctor.
"Doctor..." Her words caught in her throat. Of course she'd known he had. There was remarkable clarity in looking over such things with six years on her own with nothing left but to think on them. But...Doctors didn't say that. Not generally. They just didn't. "I...but you can't..."
What twisted world was it when she had more trouble saying it--accepting it--than he?
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Date: 2010-04-08 01:56 am (UTC)Wasted time, so much of it because he'd been too frightened to say three simple words. Yes, Rose had known but it wasn't the same. Jackie, Mickey, Pete and Jake had all taught him the importance of romantic love. How rare it was. And even for a 900+ Time Lord, Rose was someone he loved with both his hearts.
"I do," reaching up he stroked her cheek, his eyes bright as he spoke the truth. "I love you."
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Date: 2010-04-08 02:05 am (UTC)All that was left was a ruined Rose, inconsolable, weeping, and sobbing against that poor battered shirt of his. Her Doctor...her beloved Doctor, lost so long ago. He'd loved her, and...now she didn't grieve for him. She grieved for that lost girl who'd never gotten to hear the words, never been brave enough to say them first.
That girl she wasn't any more. Somewhere in the mindless words and tears, she managed just a bit of lucidity. "Don't...deserve it anymore."
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Date: 2010-04-08 02:14 am (UTC)Slowly and carefully he pulled her up the bed with him, laying her beside him and just holding her close. The Doctor was as a loss for words, he was an expert at scraped knees or snotty noses, but at broken Roses. Oh no, he was no good at those.
"Rose, please. Don't say that. Don't ever say..." Closing his eyes he hid his face in her hair, breathing in her scent. "You more than deserve me."
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Date: 2010-04-08 02:21 am (UTC)Now, oh, of course it was a comfort. Everything she'd hoped for, because things were always better in his arms, or when he smiled. Perhaps it was a bit childlike, but that hadn't ever really changed. No matter the woman she became without him.
"But I've done so much...so many terrible things." She shook her head, clinging to him more tightly. When he did process it, when he'd send her off, she wanted at least the few moments she could have before that.
She could hear the TARDIS singing again. Oddly, she hadn't heard it since she'd returned to this room until now.
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Date: 2010-04-08 02:33 am (UTC)Kissing the top of her hair he held her close, "Sometimes you have to do what you can to save people, and sometimes you can't save anyone at all."
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Date: 2010-04-08 02:37 am (UTC)"Don't leave." She bit her lip, not looking up at him. "I can't do it without you."
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Date: 2010-04-08 02:49 am (UTC)Oh, the sweet humanized Doctor, too many soaps and romantic comedy movies with Jackie, too much watching Mickey fall in love and marry, "I don't want to be without you."
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Date: 2010-04-08 02:55 am (UTC)The one she'd even turned down the very Doctor he seemed fixated on for. A part of her was entirely certain he'd process what she'd said on day, or his patience would wear out, or he'd find the glamor of being the legendary duo would fade and what she'd become would shine through too much for him to ignore anymore.
She'd become someone who could live with waiting for that, if it meant she could be with him until then. Maybe she was always that person. "No...I don't ever want you to go. Understand? Never again."
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Date: 2010-04-08 03:02 am (UTC)"Rose, oh Rose." He just grinned down at her, "Hello."
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Date: 2010-04-08 03:04 am (UTC)"Think I can manage not to strangle you." She offered him a soft smile. "Hello, Doctor."
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Date: 2010-04-08 03:11 am (UTC)"Can I kiss you?"
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Date: 2010-04-08 03:14 am (UTC)She forced out a soft laugh. "S'long as you promise you're not a dream." Because if this were, it would be horribly cruel.
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Date: 2010-04-08 03:20 am (UTC)And before she could say anything, the Doctor pulled her closer and kissed her.
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Date: 2010-04-08 03:27 am (UTC)Not that she ever particularly minded being interrupted by a kiss. Much. Better than being interrupted in the middle of an argument, anyway.
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Date: 2010-04-08 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-08 03:45 am (UTC)But that was about as far as she stopped to think about it, because the Doctor--hers, not just any. Hers. And no, she hadn't moved on. Not ever. If there was one thing unchanged from the Rose before Canary Wharf and now, it was her love for her Doctor.
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